TOUCHED BY JESUS IN RETREAT TUMPANG NGADIRESO MALANG INDONESIA 26-29 SEPT 2013

Hopefully, this




experience is useful for others...this experience is
based on my own experience.






I came to the inner wound healing retreat on 26-29 September 2013 ago.




 I  Let you know     that I actually really really really




wanted to follow the retreat or recollection. I have
planned  to go to recollection  about 2010 ago. There is a
willing so deeply to participate in events    spirituality . 




Felt I was too tired to wade through life , so deep
down , and wants to be  refreshed  physically and especially
spiritually .The last time  I followed retreat was in my    

Junior High School when I was in third




yearr class or if I'm not mistaken maybe early
high    school class in 1998 , a very long time ago.  

Actually when I was little I was a child who likes to go

to retreat and because it was a must for student 

to follow the retreat held by
the  school , and because

especially my school is Catholic school in Malang SDK Sang Timur.  

  I feel happy and       peaceful once following the retreat.




What makes me really
intend to join this retreat is because I have experienced

 a bad thing    which beat my heart mind.

 A very uncomfortable, a very bad

things happened to me. Maybe this is warn from the Lord 

that my perception of something is wrong , and is a

great  sin , and I realized after the fact that what I had done wrong . I
am a sinner . During college away from parents , my heart is wavering , I 've
also , but this may be a trial, I prefer to        convert and

 to turn away from Jesusjust because of the pursuit

 of happiness with the person I love the man who have   

  the same faith in Jesus who will marry me. 

Because oftenly I could not find the right


one.     






 I felt desparated and gived up that way   as they often 

do not get along and not paired, so this makes me seriously hurt,
angry or disappointed to the Lord Jesus , because I felt it was well intentioned,
wants to be faithful to Jesus by seeking couples life partner who




have christanity faith, why I even have not found the
way , it makes me easily tossed around ,     wanted to
convert just to get married to the people I love . I also because  of
that  very rarely go to church, rarely receive communion , even go to
church but my mind is not focused on Jesus . And the worst I 've ever read the
novel



The Da Vinci Code at the time I was in college it was
famous. 

I was offered to read
the book by my friend in college who comes from other faiths.       

And I frankly started to falter my faith about Jesus.

 Was my fault when my faith wasnt strong  

 I just read the readings prone which is not supportive of

faith in Jesus . I started to not  believe in Jesus . 




It is indeed a great sin . I just realized that the
book is an attempt of devil   to make the people of God

  away from true salvation . 



The book is the Antichrist . Because   weak
faith , I am easily tempted by worldly concerns . The point I fell

in the mud of sin. I just realized that I have deviated from the path of
God when there is a bad event happened to me. 

And I deeply regret sincerely that I was wrong all along. 

I was wrong just to get my love would do anything. 

When they wanted to follow the actual retreat was almost cured
my heart with much prayer and confession already. 




But there is a great encouragement that I should join the retreat . 

There are always voices that say why joined the show


as it is, may  not be a lot of benefits . 

And also the sound "Thats not big problem , so


why join the retreat?"




 But the grateful voice of the Holy Spirit still win against myself. 

I finally fixed set although there is also a prevalence of 2 days before the day of the sudden
my blood pressure low,   my body limp, head  circles, each rise as would fall .

Had also thought if this continue I may not be participating retreat .



When I reached the hermitage Ngadireso Carmelite Nuns
Tumpang Malang , I am still puzzled by the circumstances and  busy

looking for a room . Fortunately I soon found


my       room -mates , and with her, I almost followed
all the events together . When the briefing     
session, I was very touched to see the slides were played by nuns , that in fact God

the      Father loves us . 



Even before we were formed to a seed in the womb we
are concerned by the Lord , even how many hairs we  have God already know. 

How very precious we are to God the Father. 


God the Father is very affectionate with us. 





Also there is a slide that           




illustrates that there is someone who is too busy how
to get to the heart of women he loves, 

whining to the Lord Jesus for

help in order to get to the heart of women he wants.             




Meanwhile, the Lord Jesus himself had prepared a lot
of gifts for the person when the          person

is turned hearts to Him.




Simply Jesus already provides abundant blessings is so
easy to be forgotten .




 We are more than happy to hang out with joy to be closer to us than Jesus . 




Yet in Jesus we will never be a shortage.

 After briefing was completed, the event continued with Taize Adoration .




 I 've never followed the adoration before,  even though I once entered the room adoration but  I 've never
followed the adoration procession. What I know and feel when in the space

of   Adoration is a sense of peace,  such as forgetting the problems that are being hit,




 which is felt when it is quiet and peaceful it alone.




Finally, when the adoration begins nuns began to lead
the adoration with songsof praise. Adoration itself a tangible homage to Jesus
Host    placed in the monstrance.




 The monstrance by the nuns placed in the center 

of the altartable so every body could see.




 I also chose to sit on the wing altar right and slightly behind  but 

still can see the shape monstrance itself . In my


heart I want to see the embodiment

of         Jesus in the monstrance shape because

 I want to focus adoration by looking inwardly        

monstrance and said that Jesus was in a monstrance. 

One of nuns before sang praises saying  

" If anyone feels vibrate do not be

afraid it's a sign we 're focusing " that's all,       

  I just  heard   that way  just because 

I do not get stripped that I

got that far . 




Hymns were  sung .   The song is very
mellow and very touching hearts . I tried to surrender myself

and  tried to focus

to follow the praise while singing nuns .



 I closed my eyes for a moment , and a few seconds   

  later when my eyes closed seems a lot of

light or a beam of light fibers greenish- blue


color  that form a circle on my closed eyelids ,,

and instantly I was crying   uncontrollably


without     any cause , and all of a sudden my body was
cold and shivering .   



I still cried a lot, for some    
reason all of a sudden     I could feel the presence of
Jesus himself, because when I cried     I  could
only say the words " Jesus , forgive me , forgive me Jesus ,,




so continued as I  continued to cry .




 Immediately I realized that I had been called by Jesus who is present

 

at    the time. My body was shaking, my heart pounding all.




And at that moment I felt sorry for my sins. 

In my heart I was also afraid of why this is the case, 

because my body was shaking and stiff

and unusually cold . I have never experienced anything


like that in my entirelife .

I'm afraidremarkable because during the song of praise was sung ,   my body

kept shaking , and when I 've felt

no longer hold back pain because my body kept shaking, 

hymns and even thengradually completed. 

My body was trembling already startedto disappear, 

but all that remains is the cold, sweating and weakness in my

body . After that the nurse said " Thank toJesus , thank to Jesus,,, for
today many people   have been called by the Holy Spirit ,, not
everyone can accept the gift , only with humility"    then
the nuns allow anyone to say anything

to him ,, i soon realized that I should


thank        Jesus ,, finally I also say
"thank you Jesus you love me " . We all kissed the floor to worship
Jesus .




  After that night I could not sleep at all , because it is still shocked at the same
time was pleased with the events that I experienced . Frankly spiritually ,
this is the first time I experienced a spiritual event that I can physically
feel . At that time I was totally helpless by the mighty  power of the
Holy Spirit , the Supreme Court, just looks like that I was going to die. 










I remembered very clear what happened that night, 




I could feel Jesus very very gentleee,,,He is very gentlee againts mee ,,




He shows me that He really really really

Love me and His heart was so hurt 




because of my sins, thats why I cried a lot,,, alot..a lot very sorry




and regreatful because I've been hurting His heart for very deeply soo long.






I was feeling just  so the next morning when the
prayerof Jesus , I feel sleepy.

Another amazing experience

was when attended "Jesus Prayer"  in the morning, 

after that night , it still feels effect the next day .

When I set the adoration chapel at night , I feel that there is

a       force whether it  be from the altar or from elsewhere




in the chapel that there was a
force     where my legs was not strong enough and shaken /
trembling to stand up.

I just wanted to   fall headfirst on thechapel.




As if there were told that I was inappropriate and too


small to be in the chapel. 




Until I think of the heart " Oh my God if I do not




deserve to be in this chapel I want to go outside the
chapel " . I stillfeel scared , shaking and trembling as well as there

are seven words of Jesusworship , I sat with my friend sitting in the second
 row from the front closeto the altar . While a few moments to sit cross-legged
, I feel that my head so heavy , my neck stiff , bent all the way down , not
daring to look at the altar at all, and the trepidation that is not usual.
Whether it's what I feel might be a figure or angels around the altar . I can
only guess at heart. Turns out it was a figure of Jesus himself who is present
at the altar . I can not see it, but it turns out I could feel it . And I
believe when it was new a few days ago        I
accidentally heard testimony about the same thing, there is a mother who came
to the church in Malang Ijen with her friend on one occasion .




 And the mother
was feeling stiff neck and head heavy once ,




the same way I felt , and her friend could see that
Jesus was near them, saidfriend 's mother, the mother should realized and
should be aware of all her sins.




After passing through several sessions , there are
times I can share with other participants .  




When I told what happened to me  to one of the participants




of the retreat , my friend immediately said
"Oh  that    




the Holy Spirit , beside the gift of tongues addition
there is also a gift of tears and so on  of the  other gifts

of the Holy Spirit " And at the time of consultation sessions with Romo or Pastor, 

Romo said that the experience of each person with God is different, It is the

Holy Spirit , when He attended, my body shaking because it clashed with the
Blessed Holy Spirit ,while my body is full of sin and full of evil things.

The point I am very grateful , amazed at all the omnipotence and 




mercy of God the Father , because before I did not
think that I would be touched by the              
adoration of God , and during the retreat , my heart was

calm     and resigned .




 All Praises and gratitudes for     Jesus who has been pleased to greet me ,




assuring me     that He is truly presentin my life. 

Although I have greatly sinned I was loved

by Jesus and  Jesus deign to touch me to repent .

I have   been warned not to sin again.

 I am very           grateful that

untold could feel God's grace in my
life      through His Son Jesus Christ .  



I am currently trying to become a new person because I
have cleansed back in the Lord Jesus

Christ is the Helper , Savior, and I endeavor to always please Him ,

love , obey all commands. 


Because I do not want to hurt the Sacred Heart of Jesus


for the second time . 










And at this moment  I feel like people who are inlove .

 I fell in love with the Lord on my own . I fell in love with Jesus.


 I promise to always be faithful and try to love Jesus with all of my heart,


my spirit , and my soul , and whatever is in me . Amen











Maria Theresia Rooserina Kusumaningdyah     

 Malang,

Indonesia 10 November 2014